MEGA SHOUT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH REALLY SHITTY SITUATIONS AND ARE TRYING TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER
Why is it that after all these months, the memories all still haunt me? I’m so over you with no feelings left, moving on to fall in love with the most perfect man I could ever have imagined meeting. So then why is it that sometimes, when a certain song comes on on the radio, with memories attached to it, I can replay those feelings and memories exactly as they were back then? I don’t miss you or the times we had, but the memories are still there and I just want them to go away. I don’t even want to think of you, and I don’t even want to give you a second of my thoughts.
It’s not fair to him for me to think of the memories that we shared when I am already with him. He doesn’t deserve everything I am putting him through, but he still quietly deals with everything, all the shit I continue to give him. I know that these insecurities and trust issues you have given me are making things so hard for him because even though he deals with my tantrums and comments silently, there’s a thumping pain in his heart and mind, making him wonder what he is doing wrong. The way you destroyed me, tearing me into shreds piece by piece through the two years that we were together has left me lost, unable to find my way back home.
But, at the end of the day, no matter how bad of a day it has been, when he holds me close and wraps me up in his arms, I know that I am the luckiest girl in this entire world and no matter what happens, he is never going to leave me and he is going to make sure that nothing happens to me. Each day, I thank god for giving me him not only as my boyfriend, but as my best friend, my protecting shield, the clown I need when I am depressed and need to laugh, and most importantly, my soul mate. I feel like I have finally found a purpose in life, a reason to fight. People always say that God sends angels down from Heaven to look after you, but he truly is a gift from above. Before meeting him, I had no purpose in life, no reason to fight, no reason to live. But now, I am trying so hard to fight this battle and come out victorious. He stands by my side, supporting me with anything and everything, making sure I am okay, putting my needs and desires above his. I wake up every morning and fall asleep every night thinking about how I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and how I am going to do whatever it takes to make this work. Because there is no way I am giving up the most perfect guy in this world for anyone or anything.
"Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word."-George R.R Martin (via satans-ghost)
I don’t care what kind of blog I have I will blog this no matter what.
"Craving sensation: feeling unreal" was such a huge part of the beginning of my relapse. I was convinced that people in front of me didn’t even exist and I kept touching things and trying to feel sensation. I’m reblogging because I know that that was so horrifying for me and I never want anyone else to go through it.Just in case this can help someone. Some suggestions also seem harmful (eating a hot pepper really hurts!!!) but steps to feeling better and not self harming is most important. Sending you love and light
STOP SCROLLING! Please reblog this vitally important information because at least one of your followers is self-harming. Thank you!
My ask is always open <3